he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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