I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
