When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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