Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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