Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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