Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
