I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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