Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
