In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
