You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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