I just made out with a guy for $7.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
