I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
