I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
FUCK WHALES
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
