if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
