update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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