I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
