Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
