I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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