You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
