Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
