Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
