just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
