maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
