My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
