im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Green mimosas i think yes
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
