Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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