Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
