I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
