I'm drive I can fine osifer
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I love you.
Bad choice
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
