Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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