No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How external is "for external use only"?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
