Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
