Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
