Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
