Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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