You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
