How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
