They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Enjoy the penises
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
