i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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