well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
