i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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