So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
