Christians are straight up FREAKS
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
