I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
