You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
