but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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