meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i need some magic done to my vagina
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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