it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
