then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
there is glitter all over my balls
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
