That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
