My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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