You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
