i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you will always have a special place in my vag
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
