As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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