Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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