All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
