You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
