just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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