No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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