He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
