Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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