My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
