I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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