If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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