this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
