there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
