RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
