these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
