All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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