found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
